Should I stay or should I go. This indecisions bugging me.

 Decisions! Who gets to decide? What contributes to that decision. What about the doubts and the indecision. The more you think about it the harder that decision becomes. 

I have had the urge to travel for awhile now. Originally I was going to convert a van into a rolling home and wander widely. The pandemic and more indecision made that path lead to a dead end.

For years I have followed people who rode the Great Divide Mountain Bike Route, a 75% off road bicycle touring route. I have often thought about riding it myself. Although cyclists complete the route solo, it is recommended you don't because of the remoteness of the route. Someday maybe. Another decision.

April of 2019 I retired and in May of that year I started my first cross country ride. 3/4 of the way through The Trans American Trail I detoured in Kentucky north missing the last 1200 miles of the Trans Am. Why not go back and ride it from end to end. Really? More decisions.

The bike was ready, I have all of the gear. Just go. I was set to make plans to leave June 1st. If it was only so easy. Never go to the doctor unless you want your plans squashed! More decisions. One doctor says go do what ever you want except... another highly advised no and the third says access your criteria and risk and go for it. Now what do I do? My window to book is disappearing.  Add in a canceled appointment and I had about given up hope.

I was having a conversation with an old friend about ignoring this one doctors advice and just doing it. His answer completely floored me. " What would Kathy tell you to do?" I thought to myself that My Girl Fred would tell me to go for it. His answer was "you know she would tell you to stay and take care of yourself". That hit me hard. Maybe he's right. Decisions?

June 12 the doctor looked at some results from a test, my vitals and after a short discussion about intensity and maintaining moderation, I was given the approval to do what ever I wanted within moderation.  Everyone's definition of moderation is different.  Is riding cross country moderate? More decisions.

Fuck it just go. I worry too much about things I can't control. Make a decision and just do it. 

So here I am sitting alone in a motel room in Corvallis Oregon enjoying a rest day after four difficult days of pedalling my bicycle trying to decide how far I want to ride tomorrow.

I made the big decision to attempt ride the Adventure Cycling Associations Trans American Biycle Trail from end to end this year. Let's hope that decision comes to fruition. 

P.s. I still worry about my decision to leave my two little girls Lola and Fiona behind. Hell they're only cats, they'll be fine.